Dumb Crooks Hall of Shame

Our prisons and jails are crammed with some of the most absurd and inept lawbreakers this side of the straight and narrow.  These lamebrains find themselves behind bars because they are so good at being so bad in their illegal activities.  These imprisoned imbeciles are too bungling to ever make the FBI’s Ten Most Wanted List or be named in a police department’s all-points bulletin.  Nevertheless, they deserve recognition if only for their stupidity. Well, they now have their own special distinction—as members of the Dumb Crooks Hall of Shame.

There is no actual museum or building dedicated to criminal craziness.  If there were such an institution, it would probably stretch several blocks to accommodate all the awards and memorabilia for the goofs and gaffes, bloopers and blunders that burglars, thieves, robbers, muggers and other arrested wrongdoers have committed over the years.

Among the criminal misfits inducted into the Dumb Crooks Hall of Shame, you will read about: The pinhead who was easily recognized and captured because he covered his face in a see-through plastic bag during a robbery… the foolish fugitive who was nabbed 15 minutes after taunting the police on Facebook… the dense purse snatcher who knocked himself unconscious when he sprinted into a glass window that he thought was an open doorway… the brainless bank robber who was arrested the day after she posted a YouTube video of her bragging about her crime… the stooge who was caught after accidentally butt-dialing the cops while he was burglarizing a house… the numskull who, while running from police, climbed a fence and landed on the other side, not knowing it was a prison yard…the sloppy burglar who left a trail of Cheetos that led police straight to him… and the loser who tried, and failed miserably, to carjack a minivan—one full of members of a judo club.

In some ways, it’s easy to understand how these buffoons ended up in such disrepute.  If you have crooked thoughts, it’s hard to think straight.

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